tw: sexual assault
To address the concerns of people who follow or followed me, and the word choices that have been used to describe me:
I have never raped anyone. I discuss the instances where I committed sexual assault in this post. The first instance did not extend beyond kissing. The…
Please do not pretend it is respect for your partner that is the reason you won’t recognise what you have done is rape.
There are any number of reasons she may not want to define the experience as rape right now and you taking advantage of that to soften the impact of your own actions is reprehensible. If she feels in the future that she wants to use the word rape to describe what happened, will you “permit” that?
We’ve never been close but given the personal interaction we have had, I feel betrayed and hurt and angry. You are someone I have held in high regard. You are someone I have offered support to. You are someone I have learned from. You are someone who has held me accountable.
I unfollowed her when you spoke about her collaboration in racism that isolated and traumatised you. I cut her off without hesitation when you detailed you had become homeless due to her racism. Never knowing she was also dealing with the aftermath of being raped. Accepting, without question, she was the sole abuser because I trusted you and believed your integrity to be impeccable.
I don’t doubt your story not do I condone her racist abuse towards you but there is also no way I can condone your actions of sexual assault against her and given the deliberate and manipulative way you are attempting to downplay what you did here, I cannot trust your claims to want to be accountable. I do not trust them. At all.
So, likewise, I cut you off without hesitation now for being a rapist. I do not want you to communicate with me so please don’t.
i am truly disgusted that i really thought she was trying to hold herself accountable & is now doing the exact opposite.
i should know better.
how do we hold each other accountable?
I spoke to my ex the day before I made this post. I asked her if her feelings about that night, about the sex being consensual, had changed. We don’t talk for many reasons, but I’ve told her since the night I found out about what I’d done that if her idea of that night ever changes I would like to know so I can change the words I use to talk about it.
I agree with what a lot of people have said about all of this, and as I said above, I don’t believe a victim using the word “rape” is necessary to identify a rapist. I know no matter what, though, that I have no right to call it a word that she has directly asked me not to call it.