(your ask had no submit button)
what’s with all this lesbians hatin on other queer femmes? fuck, tumblr! I got some hate from grrrlfever supporters after calling her on her “only lesbians can be femme or reclaim dyke” bullshit. assholes.
femme solidarity to you!
I fixed the ask button on my FAQ/ask page; thanks for the heads up and the solidarity!
So, I don’t know who this grrrlfever person is and from just glancing at their page it seems that there is a reason that all of my messages complaining about them have been from white teenagers. Y’all got to remember I’m a 27 year old QPOC, I can buy liquor and french fries whenever I damn want, and I really don’t want to spend my time arguing with white teenagers on the internet.
I do think a conversation can be had about appropriative identifying. For example, there is a group of white, mostly class privileged queers in Atlanta who call themselves “dapperlacchians” because they think they dress well and they are from the south. This is so obviously classist and slap worthy, but they get away with it. This same group also occasionally goes to a thrift store together to buy ratty dresses and then talk about going to a bar for a “femme night” because they believe that this real, challenging, historical identity can be boiled down to “queers wear(ugly) dresses, too, sometimes.”
If you can’t tell, I really hate these people.
So, that brings me to the word, “dyke.” People who ID exclusively as men or as straight should not ID as a “dyke.” That should be obvious. Other than that, the word “dyke” has been used by all sorts of people of varying experience. I IDed as a dyke when I first began IDing as genderqueer because it fit with my experience as a qpoc rape and torture survivor with a history of being a loud and proud dyke who was, and still is, uncomfortable with identifying as/with a man.
People choose and use their identities for incredibly personal reasons, and for others to interrogate their choices is basically like saying, “explain your depths to me so I can decide whether or not the way you feel is valid.” Fuck that. If you don’t know a person, you probably shouldn’t ask them why their gender or sexuality is the way it is. Also, if you do know a person, you probably shouldn’t ask them either.
Let’s talk about “femme,” now. Some people think that the word “femme” originated in lesbian communities, but that’s just one place where it got traction. Others believe it originated in communities of trans women of color(I’m on this side of things, since pretty much everything is stolen from trans women of color). Femme is a queer specific term, so it’s only clearly appropriative when used by people who are not queer. It’s about moving away from essentialist ideas of sex and gender. Femme is queers acknowledging the misogyny and transmisogyny in the queer community and fighting against it. This happens through wearing sparkly things even though you know half the hotties in the room will think you’re straight or a weirdo, constantly having to tell every butch you meet that femme doesn’t mean “yours,” loving other femmes because you know them even when you don’t, and it especially means calling misogyny, transmisogyny, and general girl hate out when you see it. We do better at some parts of this than at others, but inherent in femme identity is a commitment to anti-misogyny, and we’re doing the best we can.