(your ask had no submit button)

what’s with all this lesbians hatin on other queer femmes? fuck, tumblr! I got some hate from grrrlfever supporters after calling her on her “only lesbians can be femme or reclaim dyke” bullshit. assholes.
femme solidarity to you! 

I fixed the ask button on my FAQ/ask page; thanks for the heads up and the solidarity!

So, I don’t know who this grrrlfever person is and from just glancing at their page it seems that there is a reason that all of my messages complaining about them have been from white teenagers. Y’all got to remember I’m a 27 year old QPOC, I can buy liquor and french fries whenever I damn want, and I really don’t want to spend my time arguing with white teenagers on the internet.

I do think a conversation can be had about appropriative identifying.  For example, there is a group of white, mostly class privileged queers in Atlanta who call themselves “dapperlacchians” because they think they dress well and they are from the south. This is so obviously classist and slap worthy, but they get away with it. This same group also occasionally goes to a thrift store together to buy ratty dresses and then talk about going to a bar for a “femme night” because they believe that this real, challenging, historical identity can be boiled down to “queers wear(ugly) dresses, too, sometimes.”

If you can’t tell, I really hate these people.

So, that brings me to the word, “dyke.” People who ID exclusively as men or as straight should not ID as a “dyke.” That should be obvious. Other than that, the word “dyke” has been used by all sorts of people of varying experience. I IDed as a dyke when I first began IDing as genderqueer because it fit with my experience as a qpoc rape and torture survivor with a history of being a loud and proud dyke who was, and still is, uncomfortable with identifying as/with a man.

People choose and use their identities for incredibly personal reasons, and for others to interrogate their choices is basically like saying, “explain your depths to me so I can decide whether or not the way you feel is valid.” Fuck that. If you don’t know a person, you probably shouldn’t ask them why their gender or sexuality is the way it is. Also, if you do know a person, you probably shouldn’t ask them either.

Let’s talk about “femme,” now. Some people think that the word “femme” originated in lesbian communities, but that’s just one place where it got traction. Others believe it originated in communities of trans women of color(I’m on this side of things, since pretty much everything is stolen from trans women of color). Femme is a queer specific term, so it’s only clearly appropriative when used by people who are not queer. It’s about moving away from essentialist ideas of sex and gender. Femme is queers acknowledging the misogyny and transmisogyny in the queer community and fighting against it. This happens through wearing sparkly things even though you know half the hotties in the room will think you’re straight or a weirdo, constantly having to tell every butch you meet that femme doesn’t mean “yours,” loving other femmes because you know them even when you don’t, and it especially means calling misogyny, transmisogyny, and general girl hate out when you see it. We do better at some parts of this than at others, but inherent in femme identity is a commitment to anti-misogyny, and we’re doing the best we can.

crashpadseries:

feministradical:

http://crashpadseries.com/queer-porn/

This is so awesome, why does it have to cost $22 a month!?

Great question!

The short answer: so that we can afford to keep making it!

We’re a small POC/Queer-owned and operated company and pay performers and crew, as well as all the other costs of sustaining a business. With +300 videos & behind the scenes interviews and +200 performers, $22 is quite a deal and can be cheaper than a night out on the town.  :-)

A Level 3 Membership to CrashPadSeries.com is actually the best deal, as you can have a membership for a month, download all the movies your hard drive can hold, and then cancel. (Of course, if you are a member for longer, it helps us keep making the work we do!) 

However, we also offer cheaper/free alternatives to the Level 1 Membership:

Watch individual CrashPad videos on PinkLabel.tv VOD
Select Crash Pad Series single videos are available on our new fair-trade VOD site PinkLabel.tv. (Catch CrashPad, as well as other videos by Pink & White Productions including Shine’s director’s cut for the original film The Crash Pad, Superfreak, The Wild Search, and Heavenly Spire, and even more filmmakers, who all benefit from the sales.)

Special Review Opportunities
Some bloggers may qualify to review episodes and post their thoughts on their websites. While reviewing, they get access to the website to watch videos. Reviewers are also welcome to join our Pink & White Affiliate Program to earn commission too! Contact us for info, and have your website or links to sample reviews handy.

Be a Model
All our models get a lifetime membership. So if you’re on featured on the site you get access to all the videos and live-streaming events. Here’s our model application page (includes a 15% discount, FYI!) complete with FAQ. We generally are booked 6-8 months in advance, but always welcome applicants, particularly couples/lovers who live in the San Francisco Bay Area. All adult ages and genders welcome. See our cast of characters and browse all the free trailers of each Episode. Tip: the Behind the Scenes video interviews are a great way to hear from the models themselves and see what it’s like to work with us.

Volunteer Opportunity: Transcriptions
If you’re a fast at typing, you can volunteer to transcribe the behind the scenes interviews in exchange for free access to all the site’s videos. Other volunteer opportunities may open as we grow. Contact us with questions!

Thanks for sharing the site, and thanks for your support!
- Team CrashPad :-)

hierophilic:

KILL YOUR RAPIST

cunthulhu:

glitterlion:

I don’t even know.

oh my lordddd yes yes yes

badbitchdiaries:

Spotted while wandering through Kensington market with E.

fuckyeahftmsofcolor:

Latin@ FTM kinky queer filmmaker & performance artist, Ramses Rodstein 

glitterlion:

I cried for about 30 minutes today after watching the video of Lil Reese assaulting a woman while a room full of people, excepting one other woman, stood around and did nothing. It took me about 10 minutes to get through the video because it was so hard for me to watch. I, like so many people who’ve experienced black womanhood, understand exactly what it feels like to have someone with privilege over you harm you while others do nothing. I’ve been assaulted by cops, doctors, teachers, family, friends, strangers, and it has overwhelmingly been done in public spaces with witnesses who did nothing. The majority of those who assaulted me were white men, but as the video and the recent viral video with the bus driver beating a female passenger show, the violence is condoned because the victim is a black woman.

I think this is one of the reasons it was so hard for me to come to terms with being trans. My life as a black woman was, and is, the predominate factor in who I am. The treatment I received crushed me, made me turn my hate inward, almost killed me, but the lucky fact is that I survived, and I’m stronger and happier now than those who hurt me when I was small or held down, drugged or otherwise not able to fight back. I get my strength from black women, from our struggle, beauty, and our brilliance. The pain of giving up black girlhood is almost as challenging as the pain of dysphoria.

I don’t identify as male, but I receive male privilege. I’ve been taking testosterone for almost a year, and the way people have begun to treat me in public, even when I’m wearing gold hot pants, is dramatically more respectful than when I was being perceived as a woman. I haven’t heard someone call me a fag or a dyke in public in almost a year. It’s been about six months since a man in a public space has followed me and attempted to touch me without my consent. In work settings I no longer have to fight to be heard - people are already listening(this is because my workplace is nearly all black).

My biggest struggle with these changes is that I’m complicit in them. I am responsible in any interaction with others that contains sexism. While my femininity definitely places me in a lower position in the social hierarchy and has made me a target in many settings, the thing I’ve learned is that when I’m being read as a man others are constantly giving me chances to prove that I’m a man by participating in sexism. Because of this, I’m constantly fighting for the black girl inside of me.

This is why I can’t give up my inner black girl. I need her to keep me accountable. She has lived experience, 25 years of being considered much less than human, even by those she seeks community with(black men, white queers). It’s my inner black girl who doesn’t take shit anymore, who learned that she is her own savior, her own hero. While people will still try to hurt us, physically and otherwise, she’s the part of me that can’t ever be broken. I’m grateful that she lived through what no child should have to, and I’ll spend my life defending her for what she’s done for me.

Our queer fake wedding was our excuse to dress up and make everyone we know gather in a room to fawn over us and our love. Our gorgeous friends decorated our porch; my drag mother officiated, and we had a pink zebra print cake with gold fondant bands. We saved up for two years to throw this sparkly party, and it went perfectly. We even had a costume change so we could dance the night away!

Our statements to/for each other are included below.

Maura: 

When we were first dating, when it got cold that first year, you got out of the car and gave your favorite hoodie to a stranger who was cold. I love you for that. I love you because you keep dollar store umbrellas in your car to give to strangers caught in the rain. People often see your rough exterior before things like these - I love you for these unseen things & for your rough exterior.

I love you because you push the limits of decency & style every time you walk out the door. I love you because you challenge me to be more outrageous.

I love you because we’re femmes and I love you because you know how special that is.

I love you because you turn everything - from holidays to impromptu trips to New Orleans to random Tuesdays - into a celebration. 

I love you because you’re adventurous.

I love you because you think, dream and love bigger than anyone else.

I love you because you’re brave & because you can be vulnerable with me.

I love you because you’re tough as shit & because you have an incredibly kind heart.

I love you because you make me think more & laugh harder & love more intensely than I thought possible.

I promise to consider you, your feelings & your happiness.

I promise not to take you for granted, to always remember what a wonder you are.

I promise that when we hear a loud noise in the middle of the night and you inevitably think it is most definitely the Zombie apocalypse I will try my best to not dismiss you immediately. Related, I promise that in the event of a zombie apocalypse I will follow whatever plan you have for our survival.

I promise to sing Hall & Oates with you, I promise to never throw away your glue guns and to try my best to always have glitter in the house.

I promise to be on your side.

I promise to play dress up with you, I promise to taste the cocktails you make up, I promise to cook epic meals with you, I promise to do photoshoots with you, I promise to have dance parties in our kitchen with you,

I promise to love you.

Enakai: 

You taught me that I never have to settle, that I deserve everything sparkly and beautiful.

You’re the only person whose opinion of me matters, and you make me more compassionate, creative, and pretty in my never ending mission to impress you.

You’re the loud, trashy, gorgeous, smart and smartass girl of my dreams.

You’re my femme in shining nail polish.

You make me feel strong when I feel like I’m crumbling and I always feel safe and seen when I’m soft with you.

You fight, and your fight will always be my fight.

I will spend the rest of my life learning your mmms, your cupcake mmm, your complimentary bread basket mmm, and your hot mmm.

I promise to always keep a steady supply of bactine around, and when you fall I’ll clean the blood from your knees and palms gently and without laughing.

I will protect you from most bugs, and I’ll always be grateful when you kill spiders for me.

I look forward to being immature and old with you, making fun of young people and drinking when our doctors tell us not to.

I will fry anything for you on demand and without apology.

I will always go for you, and no matter how frightened the straight people who didn’t know who they were queer baiting are, I’ll back you up.

I will always be too much with you.

Then we held hands and promised to never wear anything our size or age appropriate, and were pronounced pervert and pervert before our family and friends.

Bonus picture:

Cake and pie for dayssss

marimacho:

Gladys Bentley